it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
