East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
