okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
