And the cops told us we were all naked.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize