You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
