His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
