Please don't use social media to get back at me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
