Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
