One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
