I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
