trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
