Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
