Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
