there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
