Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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