my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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