Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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