I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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