i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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