oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My day in three words: secret purse cake
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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