god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
