I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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