Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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