you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
