He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
