It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
i need some magic done to my vagina
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