SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
