I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
