I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
