mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think my vagina is haunted
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize