Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
