i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
