do herpes really smell.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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