this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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