You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
