My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
