i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize