so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just invented taco cereal.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
