If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
