he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
