Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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