so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
