You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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