ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
