Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
