Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize