Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
