Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
