"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
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