Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
