i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
