We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
