And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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