My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
