Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize