You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
