I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
