I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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