I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
