Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
