i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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