I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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