how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
