ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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