Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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