I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Randomize
