This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
