Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
