The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Michael Bay diarrhea
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
