Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
