JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
