There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize