...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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