so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
