Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
