Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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