I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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