Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
