you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
