Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
