I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
