woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we're making bets on your personal life
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
