Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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