I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
