So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
