your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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