It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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