Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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