Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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