dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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