I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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