shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I think I am morally bankrupt
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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