Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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