Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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