how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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