I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
