i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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