Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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