well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
