drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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