i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
