I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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