with your own penis?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
