Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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