do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
