Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
