glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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