giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
