The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize