We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
