Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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