i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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