Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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