honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
