We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
