Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
