I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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