mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I have feelings that need drinking.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
