My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
